2006 and the whatevers - Sri Lanka and Serenity, School and Sanity
Sunday, January 07, 2007
I was in a state of bliss upon my return from Sri Lanka. The trip was organised by World Vision for sponsors to visit the children of an area development project (ADP). For S$45 a month, the child sponsor funds the community/village that child belongs to. The World Vision team works within chosen communities and provide them with the tools, infrastructure and skills to eventually become self-sufficient. I was not a child sponsor then but I returned inspired. Eventually, I became a sponsor - of a girl from Sri Lanka and a boy from Myanmar.
School term resumed and I moved my gazillion and million things from my co-teacher's class into my brand new class on second floor after spending about a week cleaning and repairing the place. Then came the sorting and figuring out where I'm going to
My students and I were finally getting used to the new set up when the co-teacher I worked with resigned. She decided to migrate to Australia with her husband and I'm the most obvious candidate to take her place. After long deliberation between my nearly completed classroom and a particular student in a wheelchair who could not possibly use the stairs, I chose to return to the very same classroom I happily moved out of. All the shifting in, cleaning up and on-going decoration has given me a great sense of ownership and (not to mention) pride. I was blinking back tears when the official announcement was made at the teachers' meeting but I'm thankful that I was informed early. It would take a couple of crowbars to pry me away from that class if I really settled in.
I was to remain in my (now) temporary class until the teacher last day in school in December. I was probably low on morale because I simply stopped tidying and chucked the remaining items in a pile at a corner of the room.
Then there was the task of organising the school's annual Christmas Concert after losing two veteran members of the organising team to pregnancy leave and the other to migration. Planning started months in advance and rehearsals were intense. It was a unique challenge working with special needs students. There were plenty of headaches and frayed nerves, but there were also colourful moments. The concert's main aim is for every student to participate and for everyone to have some fun on the last day of school. I know that it's a special day for all, and that I should not be so hard on myself, but I fretted over every little thing and there was never a day that I did not feel my blood pressure rise. Whether it was a) wanting the day to be great for everyone while forgetting about making it great for myself or b) wanting to prove my worth to everyone else, I still do not know.
I might have entered the dreaded burnout stage. Sometimes my hands would quiver for no reason and everybody ceased talking sense. It felt like there was a wedge in my brain leaving me incapable of clear thinking. I was exhausted and yet I could not sleep. It finally got better when school holiday rolled in.
At least my mental sanity was saved. If only I can say the same for my inner well-being.
(More ramblings to come) |
