In a class of her own
Monday, July 31, 2006
New school term and a new classroom.
Sort of.
A cosy classroom, left behind by a retired teacher, was left unoccupied since the beginning of the year. At that time, I was adjusting to a new life teaching adolescents instead of kindergarteners alongside another teacher.
"What would you say if I were to tell you that the empty classroom on second floor is yours to move into anytime?" my Principal asked me one fine day in February.
"That's wonderful..." and I was suddenly gripped with cold feet."erm... but I'll like more time to settle in and learn a couple more things from Ms Vicky*."
"I understand, just let me know when you're ready to have your own classroom. Frankly, I think you're more than ready for the big league."
I loved being a team teacher and having the freedom to move from one class to another as I could interact with students from a huge range of age groups and developments. I get nervous at the prospect of having my own classroom because I have commitment issues. Not only will it be a long-term commitment of the chosen age group, I will also have to bear full responsibility for all students in the classroom. So it is always assuring to have another teacher around just in case.
And I'll be no better than a child who is not willing to part with her training wheels.
First Term left and in came Second Term. I have three students with very different potentials and temperaments directly under my care. A typical snapshot during maths would comprise of me guiding the first in counting coins, answering a bar graph question of the second while discouraging the third from either sleeping on his subtraction worksheet or calling my name incessantly in hope that I'd relent and tell him the answers. Before I knew it, there was a mini classroom within a classroom.
I entered school one morning and found out that Ms Vicky and a teacher's assistant were both on medical leave thanks to flu. I was left on my own with not three, but eight students in that class and a million and one possibilites of how things can go dreadfully wrong. The training wheels were ripped off but I survived.
I remembered the time I had the courage to cycle without training wheels. My dad would hold the bicycle as I nervously pedalled.
"Why are you looking back at me for? You won't learn that way! Just keep pedalling."
"Are you still there daddy?" I asked.
"Yes, yes I'm here. Pedal faster!"
So I did. "Is this okay daddy?"
No answer.
"Dad?"
No way that he could not hear me.
"Daddy?!" I hollered and turned around, "Daddy why didn't...." and my dad was standing metres behind waving both his hands at me. That was when I panicked and fell over. I was furious at my dad, but I also learnt that it was okay to fall. All I needed to do was to pick myself up and try again.
I still cannot believe that in 2 hours, it'll be August. During the last week of school vacation, I visited school to prepare for lessons and new teaching inventories for the Third Term. It was quiet without the students and I was alone in Ms Vicky's classroom. I arranged the students' desks, stacked their respective books and reviewed my lesson plans. I glanced across to Ms Vicky's part of the classroom and recalled the times she walked over to ask if I needed any help.
Just how much longer do I need someone to hold the bicycle as I pedal?
I quickly marched to the Principal's office before I had any second thoughts and told her that I was ready to have my own class. She smiled and there is no turning back.
Today was the teacher's workshop and tomorrow is the students' first day back at school. I will continue to use part of Ms Vicky's classroom as there are still lots to be done but I managed to clean out half of that cosy classroom. It should be all set up by end August where it will be a cosy learning environment for five lovely students. I have never felt so excited and petrified in my entire life.
Nevertheless, I believe it was the best decision I ever made... even with all the anxiety and lost appetite.
I need to lie down. |
