Energy Shortage
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Can't believe that it's nearing two weeks. Where did the time go again? I didn't write any reports and I barely touched the reading lesson plan that is due tomorrow. The greatest thing I'd accomplished last weekend was finding a figure-flattering day dress that spares me from sweeping the floor with its hem as I walk.
School was spent scurrying from one place to another while keeping tabs of a growing list of administrative 'to dos'. When the students leave for the day and all is quiet, I sink into my seat to accompany my laptop in its screen saver mode. At least for about a minute until someone enters the classroom. I actually like being kept occupied at all times because I mope whenever I'm idle for too long, but that might be taking its toil. Just today, a concerned colleague asked if I was getting enough sleep as I seemed to have a perpetual dazed look and was answered with, "Huh? Sorry, what was it you said?"
Something is amiss lately, it felt like something is leeching off my energy. Was out of breath after climbing several flights of stairs when normally that would not have bothered me. I even caught myself micro sleeping in odd places and yet remained wide awake when I lay down. I looked at the video of my first Bollywood show stint last September and I was shocked at the vast difference between then and now.
Spot Pari? (Video glitch - movement and song do not sync)
Maybe it's about time I have that cup of coffee every morning for a buzz kickstart. |
2006 and the whatevers - Sri Lanka and Serenity, School and Sanity
Sunday, January 07, 2007
I was in a state of bliss upon my return from Sri Lanka. The trip was organised by World Vision for sponsors to visit the children of an area development project (ADP). For S$45 a month, the child sponsor funds the community/village that child belongs to. The World Vision team works within chosen communities and provide them with the tools, infrastructure and skills to eventually become self-sufficient. I was not a child sponsor then but I returned inspired. Eventually, I became a sponsor - of a girl from Sri Lanka and a boy from Myanmar.
School term resumed and I moved my gazillion and million things from my co-teacher's class into my brand new class on second floor after spending about a week cleaning and repairing the place. Then came the sorting and figuring out where I'm going to
My students and I were finally getting used to the new set up when the co-teacher I worked with resigned. She decided to migrate to Australia with her husband and I'm the most obvious candidate to take her place. After long deliberation between my nearly completed classroom and a particular student in a wheelchair who could not possibly use the stairs, I chose to return to the very same classroom I happily moved out of. All the shifting in, cleaning up and on-going decoration has given me a great sense of ownership and (not to mention) pride. I was blinking back tears when the official announcement was made at the teachers' meeting but I'm thankful that I was informed early. It would take a couple of crowbars to pry me away from that class if I really settled in.
I was to remain in my (now) temporary class until the teacher last day in school in December. I was probably low on morale because I simply stopped tidying and chucked the remaining items in a pile at a corner of the room.
Then there was the task of organising the school's annual Christmas Concert after losing two veteran members of the organising team to pregnancy leave and the other to migration. Planning started months in advance and rehearsals were intense. It was a unique challenge working with special needs students. There were plenty of headaches and frayed nerves, but there were also colourful moments. The concert's main aim is for every student to participate and for everyone to have some fun on the last day of school. I know that it's a special day for all, and that I should not be so hard on myself, but I fretted over every little thing and there was never a day that I did not feel my blood pressure rise. Whether it was a) wanting the day to be great for everyone while forgetting about making it great for myself or b) wanting to prove my worth to everyone else, I still do not know.
I might have entered the dreaded burnout stage. Sometimes my hands would quiver for no reason and everybody ceased talking sense. It felt like there was a wedge in my brain leaving me incapable of clear thinking. I was exhausted and yet I could not sleep. It finally got better when school holiday rolled in.
At least my mental sanity was saved. If only I can say the same for my inner well-being.
(More ramblings to come) |
2006 and the whatevers - Prologue
Sometimes, right at that moment, you may recall a dream you once had. The kind that you would not (or want to) recall on any normal day. I spent a long while pondering over my dream... mainly because it's in a hideous jumble, and trying to convince myself that every
Year 2006 (and some of 2005) has been nothing short of a dream for me. Now that it has finally made an exit, I am a little more motivated to get that new diary (the one with the crazy array of migraine-causing polka dots), slow down my pace and...
...update this blog.
Even though it's too late, would still like to wish everybody a Happy and Blessed New Year. Thank you so much for the notes, concern and well wishes. I admit that the later part of 2006 had been nothing short of crappy. Whenever the going gets tough, I retreat into my shell and let the waves roll over me till I lay completely buried beneath layers of sand. However, a dear friend's chance discovery of a photo on the same day as my long awaited reunion gathering managed to jolt me out of my silent self-destruct mode. Their common topic: Sri Lanka. Coincidence or not, I chose to believe that it has come a full circle and I ought to pick up from where I left off online as well as offline.
Emotional lows, 3kg weight gain(bingeing cookies by the bucket + non-existent gym activity), career jitters and anxiety aside, I'm back. Hello 2007. And once again, hello everyone! |
