Differently Able
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Watched Running Boy (Marathon) for the third time and I still get swept up in high emotion. The story was inspired by Bae Hyeong-Jin, who was diagnosed with autism and although 22 years old, has a cognitive ability of a 5-years old. His favourite things are like any child - sincere and simple. One of the things he likes is running, which he's very good at.
This is not just an overcome all odds + triumph of the human spirit movie for me. It is another baby step towards bringing awareness of autism and other known disabilities to people. Contrary to what some people think, autism is NOT a disease that with some magic medicine everything will be okay. It is something that one has to live with and to manage. Nevertheless, we've come a long way from putting folks with disabilities in the "nut house" or leaving them out to die.
I felt the most for the character's mother, and I cried every time "My son is a special child" was uttered because it hits close to home. My youngest brother, D, has autism. While on a mild side compared to Cho-Won, the main character, growing up with him was not easy and my parents can vouch for that.
I remembered when D was in kindergarten with his older twin brother, they would go around biting people as part of childplay of dogs. While the older twin stopped after he was told not to do it again, the younger one did not. My parents were called to school one day because D bit another child so hard on the arm till he bled. My mom explained to me later that D just wanted to protect his brother from being bullied.
There was also the stares strangers gave when my mom pulled D away from a display shelf at Toys R Us. While D is quiet most of the time, if he was upset, he would make animal-like sounds and fly into a fiery tantrum. He screamed and tried to bang his head on the floor. At 5 years old, he was not able to tell her, "Mom, I left my shark toy on the shelf. Please let me get it."
I also remembered D crying at the dinner table after his second day at school. Between sobs, he repeated, "Not stupid" and mom broke down as well. After that, he was enrolled in a school for special education where he flourished. Over the years, his temper tantrums lessened as he learnt to articulate his thoughts and feelings better.
I am ashamed to admit that until university days, I did not want to have a part in D's life, preferring to interact with the older twin. I struggled to ignore my worries over what will become of D as he grows older. Will he continue to bite people, make those strange animal sounds, be an object of curiosity of strangers? Everytime I had friends over I would secretly pray that they will not notice anything wrong with him. I used to think that as long as D didn't talk, it'll be okay. As his sister, I should have known better but I chose to escape emotionally by treating D like he was invisible and leave his upbringing solely to our parents.
Finally, maturity kicked in. It took me a long time to realise that who I have as siblings or family, does not define who I am. In fact, it is how I treat them that matters most and I'd ignored D long enough. I started asking D about his day and in turn, he started asking me why I was hardly at home. He became even more flustered whenever I came home late after work as it was not part of the routine. We had our fair share of sibling squabbles, but at least D finally accepted the change and I finally discovered the disrupted routine was saying goodnight to me.
Ironically, it was not D who prompted me to enter special education. The turning point was when I knew for sure that if I were to enter another office cubicle on another fruitless weekday I will be tempted to end my life by swallowing the endless supply of stapler bullets.
During my career limbo, I volunteered at D's school, the place that nurtured D and made him the fine young man he is today. Eventually, I figured that if I'm going to work, it might as well be something worthwhile. So I abandoned my business/commerce past and went on to do a postgraduate course on special education. It's a field that I'm going to be in for a long time.
As for D, he is currently enrolled in a vocational programme after having successfully completed his N-Levels. My brother is a special child. But he is not disabled in life. Kudos to you, my little brother. |
