Porcupine
Thursday, April 21, 2005
I know someone (AB) who is loud, in-your-face, has aggressive mannerisms, inconsiderate, hardly listens and insensitive to other people's feelings.
BUT
Who is strong willed, brave and generally has good intentions.
I thought of myself as a person with a high tolerance threshold but spending just an hour with AB could drain me out mentally and emotionally, which is why I limit meeting up with the person to the minimum. Somehow, AB reminds me of a porcupine. Those sharp quills that protect AB's vulnerable body from hurt also turns away many people when they come close.
Recently, I heard that AB's father has leukaemia and AB has to return to Singapore soon. As expected, pangs of guilt jolted me into picking up the phone and arrange a time to catch up with AB. In such a state, I don't blame the person for wanting to be with someone to talk to. We met up and I ended up spending 4 hours with AB. There were nice moments, there were funny moments but I am always on my guard. I could not be myself. And oh those prickly quills.
Dinner soon came and it was my chance to escape.
While making dinner, my phone rang and I answered it.
"Hello! Hey, can I come over to your place? I... I really need someone to talk to."
AB's tone of voice sounded weary and I could not say no.
AB arrived and entered the flat. The next moment...
AB: Alright, give me two bowls.
Me: ??
AB: Don't you want me to show you how to make the sauce?
Me: (vaguely remembering that time) yeah okay. But...
AB: We'll need garlic, corn flour...
Me: But my dinner... (looking at my almost ready food in the pan)
AB: What are you having?
Me: Some stir fried vegetable
AB: Don't eat stir fried! Where's the garlic, take it out.
Me: (obliged all requests)
AB did show me how to make the sauce after splashing half of the entire bottle of my brand new sesame oil and using most of my garlic stash. Misery me nearly had a heart attack but was determined not to show it. Finally when I got the chance to eat, AB was nice enough to wait for me to finish.
After that, we went into my room. 2 hours of listening time for me as I got to know more about AB's family situation, I've experienced for the first time, a mixture of pity, guilt, and of all things, apprehension (of more contact time). AB just needed someone to talk to in order to cope with the stress and while I think I did provide that means, the entire process was like sitting through an awful movie of epic length. And that added to my guilt for feeling this way.
Finally, someone came to pick AB up and I was free once again. Peace and quiet to pluck those quills from my skin. |
